A LOOK BACK will be a regular feature that I’ll run for my Patreon supporters. In each post, I’ll share some tidbits from my published stories, including my inspiration, personal details, and what the story really means to me. I’ll also tell you how I feel about the story now as opposed to when I wrote it. This first look back is going to be about one of my favourite stories, “Tourist”:

Angela, a young woman emerging from the peak of depressive episode, establishes herself a comfortable functional life living in her best friend’s spare bedroom. Then Angela meets an older man, his presence testing her link to her troubled past. Embarking in a new relationship she isn’t quite prepared for, Angela reacquaints herself with her troubled past and tries to become the adult woman she never learned how to be.

A Look Back

Of all my stories, I feel like “Tourist” is that one that magically fell into my lap. Written back in late 2013 (though don’t quote me!) it was one of those magical stories. I wrote, ideal-writer-style, in under a week. Prose came into my head every time I wasn’t at the computer. I scrawled passages on the backs of receipts in my purse or onto Post-It notes at work. It felt like I wasn’t even writing, which is funny to think about, right? The easy stories being the “goal” of writing when you’re a writer.

The magic didn’t end there, though. I sent it over to [PANK], which was my white whale at the time. Roxane Gay accepted it a month later, not just for the site but for the dang PRINT ISSUE. The story was featured in Issue #10.

“Tourist” is also the story that has received the most fanfare. Nothing crazy, but enough to coax to realize that it was something special. I got a few emails from readers. Best of all was the surprise email from a legit literary agent, requesting work. I’ve since sent him my debut novel, The View From the Basement and it’s currently awaiting his decision. So yeah, it was definitely the story gift that kept on giving.

“Tourist” was later republished in Gamut in 2015 and is also a part of short story collection, Vile Men. You can now get it in my free Bedside Stories ebook when you sign up for my mailing list.

Inspiration

I originally set out to write a “love story” when I wrote “Tourist”. Loves stories aren’t my normal fare, though I can be a sucker for a well-told love story of the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind variety. Some of the inspiration came from the season 2 finale of the HBO show Girls, when Hannah slips into a funk of depression doesn’t leave the house for several days.

I’ve always had some issues with mental health (anxiety and depression). I’m also quite the homebody, so I have some experience with cooping oneself in an enclosed space for too long. It’s a tough mindset to climb out of.

In “Tourist”, the reader meets Angela post-agoraphobic stage as she makes an attempt to live a more functional life. Angela’s new “routine” of getting breakfast at a cafe before work every morning, however, finds her in a new predicament when a man makes her acquaintance.

Personal Aspects

Part of writing “Tourist” was working through some old demons of mine. Obviously I don’t want to get too personal disclosing what is and isn’t based on my real life, but:

• I did kind of have this weird infatuation with a Canada Post courier when I was 18. Francis’ job was based a bit on that. A lot of the employees did actually eat their lunches in their cars.

• When I was a kid, I always gawked at older girls and women and wondered how amazing it would be to be grown up and in charge of life. I couldn’t wait until the day that I’d magically transform from the shy and insecure kid I was and into a pretty and sophisticated adult woman. Then, of course, I hit my teens. It wasn’t until my early adult years that I realized that insecurities always exist and that nobody is who they present themselves to be and that we’re all just masses of bullshit trying to pretend to be sophisticated people and that some of us just manage do a better job of it than others. So yeah, that’s where that one little scene of Angela walking down the sidewalk came from.

• The “Coastal Boardwalk” candle referenced in the story is an actual candle that I own. It’s made by Ralph Lauren and it’s still the sexiest scent I’d ever smelt. I keep it on my nightstand. Whenever I roll over in the night I catch a little whiff of it.

• I’ve had this weird obsession with the romanticism of Paris for quite some time. I don’t actually want to visit Paris, but I love looking at the over-filtered pictures of the pretty architecture and the pastel pastries and all that other stuff. The quote about the Eiffel tower came from a former co-worker of mine who broke the illusion of Paris to me.

Setting

Like most of my fiction, “Tourist” takes place in my hometown of Kamloops, British Columbia in early spring.

I’ve always loved the gloomy weather of late-March when the air is still cold, the skies are cloudy and there’s a lot of moisture in the air. I find comfort in it, mainly because Kamloops gets really dry both in the winter and summer. So while the moody weather of season-change can be frustrating, there’s at least something to rely on.
Good old mugginess, right?

What “Tourist” Means to Me

“Tourist” is a bit of a callback to my late teens/early 20’s when I was still pretty reclusive and alone. A part of me wanted an older man to “save me”. That’s essentially what Angela gets here. It’s just in a less “White kinght” kind of way.

In my mind, I don’t see Angela and Francis going “long-term” with their relationship. I feel like Angela would evolve at some point and progress to managing herself. “Tourist” is about those sort of relationships that benefit your for a period in time. Once you learn and grow, you progress into a different stage of life.

Last Things

Six years after writing this story, I can still say that I’m proud of it. I think the voice rings true. There’s some honest stuff in there about how people internalize their experiences growing up (specifically as a woman). My feminism over the years has evolved a bit. At times I gotta cringe when I think about a man like Francis dating a younger woman but I guess that’s what real life is like. Plenty of young women pursue relationships with older men and there is definitely a reason for that (and not just a sexual one).

Extras

“Tourist” was one of the first stories I made an exclusive playlist for. It came in handy when I walked to work and back. I wanted it to be romantic and Parisian and it turned out being one of my favourite story playlist ever. Unfortunately, it was made when I still used my Zune MP3 player (I’VE NO SHAME ABOUT THIS!). The Spotify version is missing song #3, which is “Come Closer” by Porcelain Raft.

Alas…

So that’s my first A LOOK BACK feature on “Tourist”. I hope you enjoyed. If you’ve got any other questions about “Tourist”, feel free to ask them below!

A LOOK BACK will be a regular feature that I’ll run for my Patreon supporters. In each post, I’ll share some tidbits from my published stories, including my inspiration, personal details, and what the story really means to me. I’ll also tell you how I feel about the story now as opposed to when I wrote it. This first look back is going to be about one of my favourite stories, “Tourist”:

Angela, a young woman emerging from the peak of depressive episode, establishes herself a comfortable functional life living in her best friend’s spare bedroom. Then Angela meets an older man, his presence testing her link to her troubled past. Embarking in a new relationship she isn’t quite prepared for, Angela reacquaints herself with her troubled past and tries to become the adult woman she never learned how to be.

A Look Back

Of all my stories, I feel like “Tourist” is that one that magically fell into my lap. Written back in late 2013 (though don’t quote me!) it was one of those magical stories. I wrote, ideal-writer-style, in under a week. Prose came into my head every time I wasn’t at the computer. I scrawled passages on the backs of receipts in my purse or onto Post-It notes at work. It felt like I wasn’t even writing, which is funny to think about, right? The easy stories being the “goal” of writing when you’re a writer.

The magic didn’t end there, though. I sent it over to [PANK], which was my white whale at the time. Roxane Gay accepted it a month later, not just for the site but for the dang PRINT ISSUE. The story was featured in Issue #10.

“Tourist” is also the story that has received the most fanfare. Nothing crazy, but enough to coax to realize that it was something special. I got a few emails from readers. Best of all was the surprise email from a legit literary agent, requesting work. I’ve since sent him my debut novel, The View From the Basement and it’s currently awaiting his decision. So yeah, it was definitely the story gift that kept on giving.

“Tourist” was later republished in Gamut in 2015 and is also a part of short story collection, Vile Men. You can now get it in my free Bedside Stories ebook when you sign up for my mailing list.

Inspiration

I originally set out to write a “love story” when I wrote “Tourist”. Loves stories aren’t my normal fare, though I can be a sucker for a well-told love story of the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind variety. Some of the inspiration came from the season 2 finale of the HBO show Girls, when Hannah slips into a funk of depression doesn’t leave the house for several days.

I’ve always had some issues with mental health (anxiety and depression). I’m also quite the homebody, so I have some experience with cooping oneself in an enclosed space for too long. It’s a tough mindset to climb out of.

In “Tourist”, the reader meets Angela post-agoraphobic stage as she makes an attempt to live a more functional life. Angela’s new “routine” of getting breakfast at a cafe before work every morning, however, finds her in a new predicament when a man makes her acquaintance.

Personal Aspects

Part of writing “Tourist” was working through some old demons of mine. Obviously I don’t want to get too personal disclosing what is and isn’t based on my real life, but:

• I did kind of have this weird infatuation with a Canada Post courier when I was 18. Francis’ job was based a bit on that. A lot of the employees did actually eat their lunches in their cars.

• When I was a kid, I always gawked at older girls and women and wondered how amazing it would be to be grown up and in charge of life. I couldn’t wait until the day that I’d magically transform from the shy and insecure kid I was and into a pretty and sophisticated adult woman. Then, of course, I hit my teens. It wasn’t until my early adult years that I realized that insecurities always exist and that nobody is who they present themselves to be and that we’re all just masses of bullshit trying to pretend to be sophisticated people and that some of us just manage do a better job of it than others. So yeah, that’s where that one little scene of Angela walking down the sidewalk came from.

• The “Coastal Boardwalk” candle referenced in the story is an actual candle that I own. It’s made by Ralph Lauren and it’s still the sexiest scent I’d ever smelt. I keep it on my nightstand. Whenever I roll over in the night I catch a little whiff of it.

• I’ve had this weird obsession with the romanticism of Paris for quite some time. I don’t actually want to visit Paris, but I love looking at the over-filtered pictures of the pretty architecture and the pastel pastries and all that other stuff. The quote about the Eiffel tower came from a former co-worker of mine who broke the illusion of Paris to me.

Setting

Like most of my fiction, “Tourist” takes place in my hometown of Kamloops, British Columbia in early spring.

I’ve always loved the gloomy weather of late-March when the air is still cold, the skies are cloudy and there’s a lot of moisture in the air. I find comfort in it, mainly because Kamloops gets really dry both in the winter and summer. So while the moody weather of season-change can be frustrating, there’s at least something to rely on.
Good old mugginess, right?

What “Tourist” Means to Me

“Tourist” is a bit of a callback to my late teens/early 20’s when I was still pretty reclusive and alone. A part of me wanted an older man to “save me”. That’s essentially what Angela gets here. It’s just in a less “White kinght” kind of way.

In my mind, I don’t see Angela and Francis going “long-term” with their relationship. I feel like Angela would evolve at some point and progress to managing herself. “Tourist” is about those sort of relationships that benefit your for a period in time. Once you learn and grow, you progress into a different stage of life.

Last Things

Six years after writing this story, I can still say that I’m proud of it. I think the voice rings true. There’s some honest stuff in there about how people internalize their experiences growing up (specifically as a woman). My feminism over the years has evolved a bit. At times I gotta cringe when I think about a man like Francis dating a younger woman but I guess that’s what real life is like. Plenty of young women pursue relationships with older men and there is definitely a reason for that (and not just a sexual one).

Extras

“Tourist” was one of the first stories I made an exclusive playlist for. It came in handy when I walked to work and back. I wanted it to be romantic and Parisian and it turned out being one of my favourite story playlist ever. Unfortunately, it was made when I still used my Zune MP3 player (I’VE NO SHAME ABOUT THIS!). The Spotify version is missing song #3, which is “Come Closer” by Porcelain Raft.

Alas…

So that’s my first A LOOK BACK feature on “Tourist”. I hope you enjoyed. If you’ve got any other questions about “Tourist”, feel free to ask them below!